Hair-Triggered

I woke up as the car left the road. All I could hear was the grass swishing past as we bumped through the field, and while a part of me was aware we were about to crash—I have a dim impression of praying for God’s help while feeling totally helpless—I was merely an observer of what happened, and it seemed like all was in slow motion. Then there was a loud crash…and silence.

I looked at my sister in the driver’s seat, with the car crushed in on her, and I was sure she was dead. But then she moaned, and the children in the van began to cry. I unbuckled myself, feeling small chips of teeth in my mouth and wondering if I was hurt, too. I couldn’t open my door, so I carefully climbed back through the van, afraid to look at all the children, seeing some blood and wanting to get help quickly. The frame of the vehicle had buckled when it slammed into a tree, and I couldn’t get the back doors open either. I found a tire iron on the floor and tried to hit a window to break it open. Thankfully, someone saw our van had crashed in the field off the highway, and he helped wrench open the doors from the outside, and other kind strangers stopped to help us, too. 

All of my children (six at the time) had some kind of injury. My oldest son had emergency surgery to remove his ruptured spleen and repair a perforated intestine, and he later had surgery to fuse two vertebrae that had been crushed. Because of the morphine, it took over a week to discover he had a broken arm, too. He was 10. My sister was hurt the worst, though, needing to be revived several times as they cut her out of the wreckage, and she had many surgeries and physical therapy to repair her mangled legs.

When my husband and I bought a new van for our big family, it took several hours to drive it home, and while I tried very hard to stay awake (falling asleep in the car was now a scary prospect), I drifted off to sleep for awhile. There was a summer storm as we drove, and a big flash of lightning nearby, followed by a loud crash of thunder woke me suddenly, and I began screaming, thinking we were crashing again. My husband pulled over and comforted me, until I was able to realize we were okay and understand what had actually happened.

I was triggered.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is any experience that leaves a person in distress and impairs their ability to function. Some traumas, like serious car accidents, are “Big T” traumas. These are events most people would see as an excuse to be upset, and people are, usually, patient with those who need time and help to recover from these situations. At least, for awhile. If a person’s recovery seems to take “too long,” some people begin to get impatient, wondering if the sufferer will ever “get over it.” Some assume that if they were in the same situation, they would surely be fine by now. Maybe they would. There are many complicated factors that influence how people deal with trauma. Personality, life circumstances since childhood, attachment styles, biological factors, and other compounding traumas, make each person’s reaction to stressful situations unique. Some people are more resilient than others. And yes, some Christians seem to be able to more easily turn to God and trust Him in difficult circumstances.

There are also “little t” traumas. These are things that in isolation, may not seem like a big deal to onlookers. However, if a person has experienced unrelenting small traumas, they can have more difficulty healing from that than the person who has dealt with a big event that had a distinct beginning and end. For example, some children experience frequent emotional neglect or harshness throughout their childhoods, with such emotional instability that they become adults who have difficulty bonding with others and trusting easily. They learn from a young age to survive this by being very sensitive to the emotional temperature of others, either becoming too easily manipulated by people around them and eager to please, or by detaching from others and being fiercely independent. Their nervous systems are trained to be very protective of them in this way. The beautiful brains God gave them have been molded by circumstances they did not choose, to respond quickly to emotional triggers that remind them of hurts that still echo deeply inside them.

What Do We Do With Triggers?

Emotional triggers are protective responses that flare up when a person’s nervous system feels threatened by a familiar emotion. This “gut instinct” can be very helpful when the situation is truly threatening. It can be very annoying when it shows up at inappropriate times. For many people, it’s a bewildering experience that they would love to get past, but if their unique situation has grooved deep ruts in their nervous system, they may feel very stuck in their reactions, though they want desperately to calm down that response.

Sometimes people manage to stuff down their emotions, showing up strong every day, appearing impressive to onlookers. They tell themselves that all that bad stuff from the past is not going to get them down now, and others admire them for their strength and fortitude. Yet, when past the time of life filled with family and career, some find those ghosts of the past show up stronger than ever, and bewildered, they end up in my office, barely able to function because of unhealed traumas that were triggered in middle age. Some of my clients just live a double life, showing the well-functioning side of themselves to the world so they won’t be judged—by themselves, or others—for “weakness” or “lack of faith.”

How Do We Help?

What do we do with this? When we are faced with someone who has unhealed hurts, who shows us their wounds and expresses uncomfortable emotions, do we tell them, “get over it”? Paul told the Galatians, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Gal. 6:2-3). It seems that the Apostle is calling the church to be patient and understanding with those who are suffering, encouraging them in their faith to turn to Christ, but also meeting their needs, emotionally and physically, as they work through their own unique journey of sanctification. Lord willing, our brothers and sisters will do that for us, as well. We may be blindsided by our own triggers at inconvenient times.

I still have trouble sitting in the passenger seat of the car, especially on long trips, and I rarely fall asleep in the car. My accident happened July 9, 1994, almost 27 years ago. Any loud bumps cause me to gasp and grab the dashboard. That’s a trigger for me. I have emotional triggers, too, and I’m becoming more aware of what’s happening in my body and mind when I’m triggered, and I have tools that help me calm down, including prayer, reading my Bible, and listening to hymns. I also use breathing exercises, self talk, exercise, talking to safe people, and hugging my husband. I’ve benefited from doing EMDR and seeing a therapist. 

I have been surprised many times at how quickly emotions connected to past traumas (both “Big T” and “Little t”) show up when I’m triggered. Sometimes it happens when I assume I’m “over it.” Nope! I’m learning to not judge this, but to see it as an opportunity to connect with others who love me and will be patient with my pain, as well as to turn to God again, Who never gets impatient with my pain.

I can’t always be in the driver’s seat, so I guess I have to be patient with my triggers, too.